I am puzzled by how completely inept the New York City MTA is. You would think that with all the fare increases they would actually be able to run a reliable subway system. Ha! The audacity!

Instead, this morning on my way uptown, I sat on the D-train, just outside the 59th Street station. We were going nowhere. The conductor kept repeating the barely comprehensible announcement, “Ladies and gentleman, we have a signal delay, we will be moving shortly.” Fifty minutes later (yes, that’s 5-0 minutes) we were moving again. Do you know how infuriating it is to hear “We will be moving shortly” repeatedly for 50 minutes, when you know full well you’re going to be sitting there forever? I was fuming and wished I could poke someone’s eye out. So, instead of taking an hour to reach my friend’s apartment, it took two hours.

If I had only had this kind of experience once, I could get over it. But instead I’ve amassed an impressive number of subway horror stories, of which I will share only a select few:

• Repeat the above story on the D-train, then change it to 2am and on the way home from a party in Queens.
• A few years ago, I got on an uptown C-train because I wanted to go to a stop on the Upper West Side that the express trains don’t stop at. I step on the train, the conductor says, “Local train. This is a local train, I repeat, a local train.” Fabulous. The train shuts the doors and begins moving. Half a minute later, the conductor announces, “Ladies and gentleman, this is an EXPRESS train. Next stop, 125th Street.” Um, excuse me? Meaning, I had to get off at 125th Street and wait for a downtown local train, and I was totally late to where ever I was going.
• A few weeks ago, I was taking the local 6-train downtown from my German class. At the last stop before we reached our express train connection, we sat and sat and sat for 20 minutes. As we sat, a total of four express trains went whizzing by. Sigh. Once we did start moving, we arrived at the next station, with an express train sitting across the tracks. Phew! Oh, except that as our doors opened, the express train shut its doors and left — causing me to exclaim “Unbelievable!” and causing others to swear loudly. So we stood on the platform in single-digit weather and waited 15 minutes for the next express train to take us to Brooklyn.

I could go and on about how the MTA provides unacceptable service because they know New Yorkers have no choice but to put up with it. It’s not as if we can just hop in our cars and go. Instead, we’re left completely helpless and dependent upon trains that don’t go where they’re supposed to or never come at all.

But instead I will give this link, where you can read of other’s frustrations and where you can watch the Muppets sing the subway song! And to diffuse some of the frustration, make sure to watch this funny clip from the Seinfeld episode about the subway.

More puzzlement, of other types, can be found here.