It was Friday evening and I was on my way home from work. Not long after I settled into a seat on the 2-train to Brooklyn, the loud voice of a child began:

“EXCUSE-ME-LADIES-AND-GENTLEMEN.

SORRY-FOR-THE-INTERRUPTION.

BUT-MAY-I-HAVE-YOUR-ATTENTION-PLEASE.”

If you’ve ridden the NYC subway at all, I’m sure you know what’s coming next. This particular announcement is memorized and recited word-by-word in stacatto voices by countless inner city kids, as they move from car-to-car selling candy.

The boy on this train was short and looked no more than eleven.

“MY-NAME-IS-JAMAL.

I-AM-HERE-TODAY-SELLING-CANDY.

NOT-FOR-NO-BASKETBALL-TEAM.

KEEPING-IT-REAL.

PUT-A-LITTLE-MONEY-IN-MY-POCKET.

KEEP-ME-OUT-OF-TROUBLE. “

I remember the days when the kids were selling candy for basketball teams. I guess the adults who provide these kids with the candy* figured that people either got tired of that line or got wise to it — and so the new sales tactic is to start by ‘fessing up.

“THE-CANDIES-I-HAVE-LEFT-ARE.

M&M PEANUT.”

Always M&M Peanuts. Never Snickers. Never Milky Way. Never Skittles. Whatever happened to the Starburst, anyway? But every single time, the kids say, “The candies I have left are…” As if they usually carry around a wide variety of candy, but just happened to run out of everything, and you’ll be lucky to buy the M&M Peanuts.

“WOULD-ANYONE-CARE-TO-BUY-A-CANDY?”

Jamal then worked his way around the car, eyeing anyone with a dollar in hand. I’ll admit to drowning out Jamal’s candy announcement because it was exactly the same as the thousand others I’ve heard.

But the rest of Jamal’s sales tactics were uniquely his own, and I took notice. For each person he approached to exchange the dollar for the candy, he would only speak like a human beatbox.

“A dollar boom-chicka-boom please. Thank you boom-boom-chick. Have a chicka-boom nice day chicka-chicka-boom.”

There is usually not much to smile about on rush-hour trains, but Jamal’s ingenuity certainly made me crack a smile as I rode the rest of the way home.

Other people watching people and writing about it can be found here.

* Anyone know where it all comes from?